20th Anniversary

Several months, I posted that my husband and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary this year. The truth is that we didn't actually want to get married on the date we chose. July 18th was the date we wanted to get married on.

I'm not sure about most people and how they reach the point where they put themselves out there and admit their feelings for one another. If I believe what I read and see in popular media, relationships often start with a date and build in intensity until one party or another declares he or she loves the other. The other party either happily reciprocates or disappointingly says something to let the moment pass with the least embarrassment possible.

I imagine that it's hard for anyone in a relationship to be the first person to say "I love you" because it is an incredible emotional risk, or at least it is if you really mean it, and aren't one of those people who utter it meaninglessly and with ease. In my husband's and my case, the situation was complicated by the fact that we hadn't met face to face and were pen pals so there was a certain weirdness factor. No one believes you can fall in love without having seen each other yet but we did. And everyone feels that even if the two of you believe it, it's not "real" and you're fooling yourselves.

Even though my husband had been receiving all the signals in the world from me that I was pretty enamored of him, it still wasn't easy for him to be the first one to admit he'd fallen in love with me but he did 20 years ago today. I never would have been the first one to say it as my weak self-esteem would never have allowed me to put myself out there with the possibility of rejection but I had been in love with him for months at that point.

So, this is the day we wanted to marry because it carries more emotional significance and marked the moment when our relationship changed from friendship to serious relationship.